The Pain of A Decision
by Heretic Anthem
Summary: What are you suppose to do when the guilt consumes you? And when you realize theres no way out, Can you really find redemption? Do you even think your worth it?


**Heretic here and im trying something way different, a non ninja fic, im going more emotional. Well anyway I hope you readers enjoy it, I have a really good feeling about this. Again enjoy and also I don't own Naruto.**

**The Pain of A Decision**

The sky was a portrait of a swirling grey and black, he moved in a daze as rain pelted his coat. He barely noticed the weight of the casket that burdened his shoulder and his heart. Numerous faces filled with grief and empathy were scattered about him but those faces were dull to him almost to seem blurred out as though they wished to remain anonymous. His chest tightened, his temples pounded with a dull ache, he moved mechanically as he unfastened the rose from his coat. Tears streamed down his cheeks as thorns pierced his grip as if trying to prolong the inevitable. With a shaky breath he dropped the rose into the open grave, his final gift to his mother Kushina Uzumaki.

XxX

The sound of running water was but a far off whisper to Naruto as guilt conquered his mind and soul. It was his fault, his mistake and she was the one that paid his debt to shinigami while he lay here in a bath tub physically unscathed. He had no one now, no home to go to anymore his home left with his mother and so did he. He gingerly picked up the razor blade, slowly examining it as if dumbfounded to what he was to do with it. Razor met skin in an almost loving union as it slid down his arm turning the once clean water crimson and once again the sound of running water was a but far off whisper.

Light blurred and then brightened, sounds dulled then ripped open as they reverberated within the drums of his ears. A steady beep at his right side, a needle in his left arm he then knew that he had failed his suicide as he clenched his eyes shut, grasping for the calmness and tranquility that sleep held. Had he known that in the world of dreams his demons of the past lurked he would have fought for consciousness.

The room was dark, quiet like death. His pale hands trembled as they clenched the bars around the bed for the hundredth time. His face, wrinkled with pain of past memories. Yes, he had found his demons.

"_Naruto, I really think you should drive, I'm a bit drunk",_

"_We live two streets over mom, you'll be fine. Besides me and the guys were going to go to a party",_

_She looked nervous, her eyes looked up begging almost pleading and for a second he was going to drive her but she choked it back down._

"_Your right I'll be fine, what was I thinking your seventeen and you need to have your fun while you still can", _

_He waved good bye as he ran his mind focused on the party and a certain girl of his interest. So caught up in everything that he never returned the 'I love you' , that floated on the wind._

XxX

The winter cold delved deep into the bones of his cheek as he rested his face on the frosted window of the car door. The car was an expensive one, the kind of car that a rich and powerful man would have, the kind that a chauffeur of that man would drive. The man that this car and chauffeur belonged to was his father. A father that had left his mother high and dry when he was born and that showed his love in a court issued monthly stipend.

His father had pulled some strings and instead of him going to some rehabilitation center for whacked out teenagers with suicidal tendencies he ended up in Tokyo with his business billionaire of a father, maybe it would be bad for business if the press found out about him or maybe his father wished to get to know his child in his apparent time of need, but whatever the reason was it landed him in a mansion which would also mean most likely going to a extravagant private school for the remainder of his schooling career.

He felt lost with no hope of returning, like he had gotten on the wrong plane at the airport. He felt separated as if he was watching the world behind glass as if they were and exhibit. He could see, but he couldn't feel it nor could he breathe in the smells of the world. Was this depression, maybe he did need help. Whatever this was he hoped that it would go away with time.

He glanced down to the scar on his right arm, it trailed all the way down his forearm. How had he survived that and for a split second he saw his mother smiling.

"_Everything happens for a reason baby, never question fate or destiny",_

He laughed, a hollow laugh almost as cold as the air outside of the car. What would it matter if he had died or lived he held no real significance to the world. He was mediocre in school, more of a jock than a novelist and even then he wasn't Sports Center material. He wouldn't go on to cure cancer, he wouldn't even willingly give his life for a stranger, the world held no love for him as he held none for the world.

His mother then again plagued his head, a lingering ghost set on never leaving him. He blinked back tears as his face went into his hands muttering a soft apology. If only had he, she would still be….,

"**Im Sorry**",

His body straightened, shocked at his own outburst. The sound of a electric window being downed slowed his wild mind. He looked up to see the eyes of the driver in the rear view mirror. They were soft and dark full of concern, he knew then that this was a caring man.

"Uzumaki San, is everything alright do you need me to pull over",

"No, thank you I'm sorry for bothering you Mr….,"

"Atsuko, Hibiki Atsuko but, if there's anything I can do for you let me know",

"No need, Mr. Atsuko I think I'll be….., wait actually could you tell me about my father",

Atsuko's eyes crinkle in the rear view mirror and Naruto knew he was smiling.

"Absolutely, but where to start,…Hmm, well for one your father has many accomplishments, he has given to countless charities, millions towards schools across Tokyo and…,"

"Im sorry", Naruto cut in

"You misunderstand me, I don't want to hear about my fathers exploits but more of the man behind the mask. What I want to know is who he is as a person I could care less of his bank account.",

Atsuko's eye's seemed to twinkle as he smiled.

"I knew you were a rare case as soon as I eyed you, Well your father he's difficult to describe. He's a good person down deep but his heart is, to say enclosed in numbers. He lets his work run his life, he rarely does anything besides work. Why, I can recall on countless occasions where we have had to force Mr. Arashi to take a break to eat. But, who knows his ragged work schedule may change in days to come.",

Atsuko winked at Naruto as if saying if would be him to change his fathers schedule. Also what did he mean when he said he was a rare case, maybe he was talking about his suicide attempt, but who knows. Too many questions and hardly any answers, Naruto took comfort in the silence and let the cold wash over his face in welcomed refreshment as he pressed his cheek against the glass allowing his breath to fog the window. He shut his eyes welcoming the darkness that overcame him.

" _Man your mother was trashed I can't believe she didn't ask you to drive her", _

_Naruto glanced up to his friend Aki,_

"_Don't worry about her she said she was fine",_

"_Yeah, for real guys cheer up were bout to get wasted and fuck some bitches",_

_Naruto smiled as his friend Itsuki seemed to lighten the mood, he always did._

_Suddenly, screams echoed in the distance, a reverberation of impact danced through the streets. The sound of ripping metal, and grinded concrete like nails on a chalk board stung their ears. Without question Naruto took off, running the hardest he ever ran, praying the hardest he ever prayed as fallen tears filled with fear and uncertainty trailed behind in his wake._

"Huh,….Wh-what",

Atsuko eyed the blonde wearily

" I said were here, sorry to wake you but your father had other matters for me to attend to and I don't think he would appreciate it if I left you in the car.",

Naruto shook off the remnants of sleep, as he stepped out the car shocked at the display before him. A castle of a house, windows too many to count.

"All this for one man",

"Well Uzumaki San, all that for two now",

Atsuko spoke as he slammed the trunk of the limo shut, while holding Naruto's bags.

"Come on Uzumaki San, I'll take you to your room and then you can meet your father",

The inside of the house was more amazing than the outside, countless rooms filled with things so expensive he was afraid to touch for fear they would crumble in his dirty hands. He wasn't meant to live like this, he didn't deserve this. His mother just lost her life, and here he was on the edge of a mental breakdown in need of therapy with a failed suicide attempt under his belt like it was a degree you'd put on a resume and now, now he was rich beyond his ever imaginative dreams. And once again he could here his mothers words again.

"Fuck fate",

"I'm sorry, what did you say",

Naruto glanced up at Atsuko, he really need to stop speaking aloud or this guy was going to think he was crazy, but really would he be that wrong.

" Oh, nothing",

" Oh, well so how do you like your room if there's anything wrong let me know and I will accommodate, really money is no option as your father so bluntly spoke to me",

He dropped his bags on the floor as he spun around, taking in the whole room. It was huge, filled with countless electronics any seventeen year boy would love to have. A massive plasma TV no common family could afford but through all the expensive gifts one struck a chord deep within his soul. Standing on a rack by the window and a extravagant looking amp was a guitar. Not just any guitar but a Kerry King War tribe, his father bought him a thousand dollar guitar and didn't even know if he played. A past memory played before his eyes.

" _No, Naruto a G sounds like this.",_

_Frustration filled Naruto's being, he had been practicing for weeks and still can't even get the basics right. But, his mother had never once wavered, she was dead set on helping him._

" _I just can't do it mom, I give up I'm hopeless, I'm just not good enough. Aki has been playing about the same time as I have and he's a whole lot better than I am.",_

_Kushina eyed her son sternly_

"_Do you want to learn how to play",_

"_Yea, Bu….,",_

"_No, Buts now do you want to learn how to play",_

_Naruto huffed dejectedly_

"_Yes, but its so hard for me I'll never get that good",_

_Kushina smiled as she watched her son_

"_Baby, you want get that good I promise",_

_Naruto eyes drew up quick filled with shock and hurt._

"_You'll get better, because you have to work harder than anyone else, because you'll want it more, and because you want it more it'll show through the sound you create and others will feel it and they'll know just how amazing you are.",_

_Naruto blinked tears back as his chest swelled with pride_

" _Alright Mom I got it this time, believe it",_

_Naruto closed his eyes as he picked up the guitar, breathing in slowly and strumming softly as his fingers reached for the stings_

" _That's it baby, that's perfect",_

Atsuko coughed, as he looked the blonde in his glazed eyes,

"So, do you like it",

Naruto smiled, I true smile that seemed the fill the room

" I love it",

XxX

"Da-Dad",

Naruto couldn't believe it, sitting behind a mahogany desk was a complete reflection of him with slicked hair and a thousand dollar suit. Now he understood what his mom had meant when he asked to see a picture of his father.

"_Just go look in the mirror, His blood runs thick in your veins",_

Guilt suddenly swelled within his chest, how hard must it of have been to of had a constant reminder of the one who broke your heart in front of you for years. But, Naruto's self pity was not meant to last as his father broke him from his thoughts.

" I hope your adjusting fine, I can understand how this must be very hard for you ".

Wait, understand, he could never understand because of a seventeen year gap which would mean he couldn't even know my favorite color. Anger began to boil underneath his skin, as blood pulsed through his veins like liquid fire. Who did he think he was, what did he expect ? That he would buy me all these gifts and I would bow down and play leave it to beaver.

"Why, did you leave Mom ? Why did you never call ? Why is it now that you come into the picture ?",

He looked shocked, unprepared to be drilled like this but what could he of expected that I'd be fine not knowing?

"Answer me Damn it!".

He had lost his composure, he flew of the handle and he couldn't help but feel a twinge of regret as he eyed the fearful man in front of him, he was scared. A man so powerful, so untouchable and he was scared.

" Well ",

His father said shakily,

XxX

Ha ha damn I cliff hanger, don't you love em well read and review and tell me what you think and give me some ideas how I should make narutos fathers personality


End file.
